Defective Definitions: Family Friendly?
This is the first post in my on-going struggle with Defective Definitions. This is a rather tongue-in-cheek reflection on words and phrases we hear but the definitions we bring to the table are often very different and maybe even defective.
The phrase of the day is...
FAMILY FRIENDLY
Family Friendly Business?
When I think of businesses that are family friendly I think of the restaurants Chuck E Cheese and Ruby Tuesday. Chuck is a great place for big kids (me) to enjoy time with my kids. Ruby Tuesday has been rated as the best restaurant for families and it is a great place to help kids practice dinning out and have fun at the same time.
Family Friendly Organizations?
However, family friendly is a designation often given to places, events, organizations where parents can sit and talk, while kids go off on their own. It is amazing to me how the Boy Scouts have been so attacked in the media, yet they are one of the most family friendly groups around. They sponsor great family events with sports teams and NASCAR, allow whole families to go camping together in Cub Scouts and even allow siblings to participate in many meetings and events.
Family Friendly in the News?
H/T to my fellow Asburian, Bob Kaylor for his blog on Parents and Teens. Bob reflected on an article from MSNBC on teens desiring more time with their families. Bob writes,
...churches and other youth-serving institutions would do better to spend time fostering those family connections. Sunday mornings can often run counter to that thinking, however, as families split off to their various groups as soon as they hit the front door.
A Family Friendly Church?
In deed, this trend of separating families on Sunday mornings is something to be considered. How often do our children see how important faith is to their parents? When do they see their dad pray other than at the dinner table? When do they see their mom freely give money and not receive an item in return? When do they experience the wonder of worshipping together with believers of ALL ages?
There are many opportunities in churches to separate but how about trying to worship together? What about intentionally finding an older adult to sit next to even so your children might connect with another generation? Ask them about the Pastor's children sermon (many of us actually work hard on these!;) )?
To call something Family Friendly that calls for families to be apart is defective. Kids seem to be telling us that Family Friendly means families together and will be an important value for the new church we're starting. I like the kids' definition better.
May I Ask: How much time do you get spend during the day with your kids? How about the week? What have you found to be "Family Friendly?"May I Suggest: Be on the look out for organizations, businesses and churches which are trying to support families and support them and let them know! Tell us here what groups you've found being "family friendly!"
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4 comments:
i sooo agree... with a lot of what you said... "family friendly" is about as definitive as "user friendly"... i don't have kids of my own, but recently, our church made it a priority for the children to be in the "big service" during worship and ministry time... to be excused to children's church during the sermon.
i think, though, that to effectively promote this type of connection, it will take more than making sure the environment does not work against this. it takes truly fostering a heart to connect, within our families and with other families...
i LOVE the idea about sitting next to an older adult... that reminds me of a couple that we sat with growing up who were like adopted grandparents.
Thanks for the comments bro! It isn't easy as the pressure seems to be to separate families. I know there are Sundays where our family is separated. My kids want to be where I'm preaching but it doesn't always work that way. I couldn't imagine being in a congregation without them.
I was stunned recently while having a discussion at my church about the way parents who bring their children into the traditional worship service often feel the disapproving looks or hear the not-so-quiet comments of those around them.
My point was that we need to make sure families don't feel bad about bringing their children into the sanctuary.
Then someone told me that some couples want their children out at Sunday School during the service so they can have some time alone to worship. Being a parent and worship are not possible at the same time.
Now, I've had my moments with a child - and I've taken our toddler out of the service more than once - but I find it troubling to think of Sunday School as a place to dump the kids so I could be alone to worship.
John, I'm with you in that. Dr. Lawson Stone once told the story of being at the ordination service of a friend of his. His friend was in the Orthodox tradition. During the service, small children were allowed to basically "run free," crawling under pews, over pews and such.
Dr. Stone described how irritated he became. After the service, he spoke to his friend about the experience. His friend said, "Lawson, it isn't about you. It is about God."
There are some stories that just stick with you. That was one for me. I think to make family-friendly happen in a church, leaders have to be on board, starting with the Elder(s).
Of course, when a child is screaming and crying such that no one can hear, common sense dictates the need to leave a service.
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